Turtle volunteering.Well the Turtle hasn't volunteered. That person has.
Bet you're glad I cleared that up.
My friend Shelley and I meet up for the first time in a year for a drink. She has spent five months working in Greece on a voluntary conservation project, tagging turtles and protecting their nests. We decide to go to Yates in the Guildhall Walk to catch up. Well, actually, at first we headed into Wetherspoons because it was closer and we always go there, but after waiting for six years (no exaggeration, I promise you) to be served at the bar we decide to go to Yates. Wetherspoons has one of the longest bars in the world (again, no exaggeration), and yet the management always seem to choose to staff it with one person. On crutches. Who has never worked in a bar before. No exaggeration.
I am obviously a little inebriated as I write this, so you may have to bear with me.
So, we go to Yates instead and we talk about love, life, turtles and culture and everything in between (there are quite a few things between turtles and culture as it turned out). Until we are interrupted by a small group of crazy nippers (is the Guildhall walk frequented by no one but sailors??), three lads and a young woman. This always happens to Shelley and I. We draw small groups of crazy people.
The last time it happened, Shelley and I were very drunk (in Wetherspoons - we had been served that time, the guy with the crutches had the night off) and this guy came over with his friends and kept quoting lines from his favourite movie, Anchorman; specifically:
"I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogony. ..."
I kid you not. Anyway, it was very funny, but not for long. The guy had no other material. Just that one line. In the end, Shelley threatened him and his friends with physical violence, while I looked on, helpless with laughter. You would have to know that Shelley is one of the most amiable women in the world to understand how provoked she would have to be to threaten someone else. The fact that it was the repetition of "the smell of rich mahogony" that sent her over the edge makes me feel quite surreal just thinking about it. But, then again, this inebriated, so does the thought of going to work.
We have quite a laugh with our crazy group of kids in Yates, who succeed in winning us over by guessing our ages at 25 - love them! That is, until Danny attempts to win over the bar staff and tempt them to serve him free drinks and they refuse to serve him any more and he has to leave. However, by this point, it was not far off closing anyway, and Shelley finish our drinks, resume our conversation and bundle ourselves into a cab.
But not before she persuades me to go speed dating. Which will doubtless be another story.
I am obviously a little inebriated as I write this, so you may have to bear with me.
So, we go to Yates instead and we talk about love, life, turtles and culture and everything in between (there are quite a few things between turtles and culture as it turned out). Until we are interrupted by a small group of crazy nippers (is the Guildhall walk frequented by no one but sailors??), three lads and a young woman. This always happens to Shelley and I. We draw small groups of crazy people.
The last time it happened, Shelley and I were very drunk (in Wetherspoons - we had been served that time, the guy with the crutches had the night off) and this guy came over with his friends and kept quoting lines from his favourite movie, Anchorman; specifically:
"I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogony. ..."
I kid you not. Anyway, it was very funny, but not for long. The guy had no other material. Just that one line. In the end, Shelley threatened him and his friends with physical violence, while I looked on, helpless with laughter. You would have to know that Shelley is one of the most amiable women in the world to understand how provoked she would have to be to threaten someone else. The fact that it was the repetition of "the smell of rich mahogony" that sent her over the edge makes me feel quite surreal just thinking about it. But, then again, this inebriated, so does the thought of going to work.
We have quite a laugh with our crazy group of kids in Yates, who succeed in winning us over by guessing our ages at 25 - love them! That is, until Danny attempts to win over the bar staff and tempt them to serve him free drinks and they refuse to serve him any more and he has to leave. However, by this point, it was not far off closing anyway, and Shelley finish our drinks, resume our conversation and bundle ourselves into a cab.
But not before she persuades me to go speed dating. Which will doubtless be another story.
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