Woman on the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown

Why is it that getting ready for a holiday causes so much stress that you need another holiday to make up for it? I've tied up my loose ends at the Ministry, made sure the plants are fed and watered, library books renewed and everyone I love said goodbye to (in case I get swept up by a burly Muldonian and end up breeding like a scampi on the Isle for the rest of my life - actually, I don't know how scampi breed, but I like the sound of it and I haven't made up any catchphrases for a while.)

Kate and I are spending next week on the Isle fo Mull, but worry ye not, rat fans, because the fair G will be logging in to post a "Here's One I Prepared Earlier" blog entry each day. It has of course, taken a lot of work, but as the corporate sellout says, you're worth it.

The last couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster ride in the belly of Hades and I need this holiday like a woman needs a best friend, which is to say, a lot. In fact, I think it's fair to say that without this holiday, I might have completely lost my mind by next week and started running around Portsmouth doing a fair impression of Michael Douglas in Falling Down. And who wants that, because I think fast food chain staff have it bad enough as it is. Actually, a couple of my friends have suggested that they think a Falling Down moment starring yours truly might be heartily amusing, but they wouldn't think so once they had to start raising the money for my bail.

I'm preparing myself for a week of reading, writing, sleeping, walking and a heck of a lot of drinking and chain-smoking. And if I bag a handsome islander, too, then so much the better....